It was right here a minute ago

You've done that, right? Had something you knew you'd need Later only to have Later come along and that thing be nowhere in sight? Yeah? Well, as much as I wish I could lose that feeling, it has found me again.

I had a picture idea for my last day of work that was gonna -- IMHO -- be pretty cool. The thing in question was right here on my desk all last week and probably the week before that. But tonight when I wanted to practice, it has strolled away.

Now I have looked and looked and looked and looked for it and cannot find it anyplace. I did not get throwing-things mad, but it crossed my mind. And then I found the fortune that came w/ my Chinese buffet today (Thank you, Allen, I'm gonna miss you. You are truly one of the good guys.). But the fortune read "Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

And most of my frustration lifted at that moment. I was unwittingly beating myself up, as usual, for being messy and having mislaid said object of interest. I hadn't realized how insidious this little internal message was, but I recognized it and immediately shut it off.

I still don't know there this thing is I am looking for, but I do know that I am still a decent chap and it is not the end of the world (and probably more likely the thing that keeps the world spinning) that I have to improvise a Plan B for my picture tomorrow. Besides, if everything went the way we wanted or expected it to, how could I enjoy the rush tomorrow of my last day at the place I've worked nearly 20 years? How could I have enjoyed the sense of being on the crest of a new wave of personal discovery and growth if every little thing I had planned had happened just the way I wanted it to?

Turns out that early dream of becoming the world's biggest cassette tape mogul would not have gone so well as I once thought. I'll take tomorrow's little farewell and whatever it offers and be damned happy with it.