Messes

I have a knack for finding them and creating them. It's a gift.

But mostly it's a curse.

Trying to settle this estate is going to take a lot more work and money from me. And there probably will not be much to show for it other than the relief that it is completed -- and that's weeks if not months away.

Trying to settle my emotions might take longer. I just get so confused about what I feel, what I say and do and then what I project. None of those ever seem to really match up to what "is." And everyone involved around me is left trying to figure out what the hell I mean -- including me.


I think I am definitely bored with this status quo and I want to get to work. But that's a high mountain it seems to me. I have to settle a lot of dad's affairs, see what's left and then what the family can afford to do for mom. I feel -- rightly or wrongly -- that I have to stick close by during this whole time to shepherd things along this path before I can move forward for myself.

And then there comes the "what do I want to be when I grow up" issue to resolve. And oh, won't that be fun?